I know there are people who think the world is not a safe place. I am not one of those people. Nor do I want my children to grow up with this belief. So I give them a long leash.
Just the other day I was gushing about how awesome my neighborhood was. It was only a couple weeks ago that the boy fell and a stranger stopped to ask if he was ok and let him use her phone to call me to pick him up.
Today, I got a rude awakening. My neighborhood, might not be as free-range friendly as I thought. I got a call from a number unknown and answered because the boy was at the park and it could have been him. It was the police, asking if my son was missing. No, I told him, my son was not “missing,” I given him permission to go to the park. The officer asked me to come to their location to pick up my child.
I hopped on my bike and was there in about 5 minutes. I was sort of hoping that I’d be able to ask the Boy what happened, thank the officers for their concern and then be on my merry way. I really should have known better. One officer came out to talk to me.
“So can you explain the situation that led to your 8-year-old wandering the streets alone,” he said.
“He wasn’t wandering the streets, sir. I gave him permission to go to the park.”
“But he’s 8.”
“Yes and we’ve discussed the rules, he knows how to cross the street, he has my phone number,” I said, adding, “there are lots of kids his age that come to this park to play. Its safe and I trust my son.”
“Ma’am,” said the officer with exasperation, “It is not safe for you to let your 8-year-old wander the streets without adult supervision.”
“Again, sir, he was not ‘wandering the streets,’ he was at the park, where I told him he could be, and he stopped in here to get some water.”
“He was scared and hungry.”
“Sir, I don’t believe he was scared. He comes here all the time. This is our neighborhood. Did he tell you he was scared? Or lost?”
“No, but…”
“Ok, so why are you here?”
“Someone called us about a kid here alone.”
“But he’s not injured…can I speak to my son please?”
So I go ask the Boy some questions. He just wanted some cold water. He thought the stranger who had called the police was the parent of one of his friends, so when the guy asked if he was hungry, he said sure. As far as he knew the cops had just arrived to have lunch. He still didn’t know that the police were there because of him.
I went back outside.
“So you guys came here to have lunch?”
“No, someone called us.”
“But why? Because a kid came in and asked for water?”
“Because an 8-year-old was wandering the streets alone, scared, and hungry.”
I repeated that, no, he wasn’t scared and he wasn’t “wandering the street.” He was well within the perameters we had agreed on and I don’t see how a kid walking into a fast food joint requesting a cup of water was a problem.
That’s when the other officer decided he was going to try to scare me. What if something had happened?Someone could have snatched my kid up. He could have hurt himself. I countered that it was highly unlikely that anyone would kidnap my son — or anyone’s son for that matter. It’s a safe neighborhood and I think he can handle riding his scooter a few blocks to a local park.
“Have I broken a law?” I was tired of the back and forth. We obviously weren’t going to agree and I wasn’t going to back down or act afraid. “I’ve done some research and as far as I know, there is no law against letting an 8-year-old go to the park.”
“What research?”
I explained that I had looked up crime stats in for the neighborhood. I’ve come to the park and checked it out. I also looked up latchkey kid guidelines and the guideline is that kids can be left without adult supervision starting at the age of 8.
At this point, the officer starts yelling at me about how he knows the penal code and that it is at their discretion to decide if I had been negligent. When I pressed the issue of whether or not I had broken a law, they called their Sargent to ask what they should do.
Now the Boy is standing outside, wandering what’s going on, crying a little because he can tell something’s not right. And this douchebag cop tells him that nothing is wrong and that’s when I snapped.
“Don’t lie to my son.”
“I’m trying to calm him down,” he snapped back. “He’s scared and crying. I’m just trying to help.”
“I don’t need you to help by lying. Don’t tell him nothing is wrong. If that were the case, you wouldn’t be here…”
“I’m just trying to comfort your crying kid…”
“I understand that, sir. But I don’t want you to lie to him. He’s scared and confused because he knows something isn’t right. You just told me that you could charge me with child endangerment or negligence, which means that there is the possibility that things could go very wrong, all because I let him go to the park. So don’t stand here and lie and tell him everything is OK.”
I explained to the Boy that the police didn’t think it was safe for him to go to the park alone and since they think its dangerous, there may be consequences.
No sooner had I said these words than the douchebag’s partner walked over and explained that they were not going to charge me with endangerment or negligence and would I mind letting them see where we lived to be sure he had food, clothing and a place to sleep?
I agreed, in the essence of being cooperative. I don’t have anything to hide and I was afraid my refusal would make a bad situation worse. So I let the one officer come in and the Boy showed him the pantry and the refrigerator. Before he left, the officer reiterated that they could have taken me to jail and the Boy could have ended up in child protective services, but there wasn’t really any cause, so I was getting off with a warning.
Before the officer left, I asked how old he thought would be appropriate for a kid to go to the park without an adult. Definitely not 8 was his first response. When pressed, he said maybe 13 or 14.
So kids should be locked up until they’re nearly adults because of the remote possibility that something could happen. But honestly, I’m more afraid of the busy-bodies who call the police because a kid walks into a fast food joint and asks for a cup of water.
Those police officers are stupid sheep. They’ve clearly bought into the hysteria that children must be kept under lock and key, because the world is full of boogeymen out to do them harm. 13 or 14, egad. How dare you let your son go to the bathroom alone, someone could snatch him and climb out the window! Go outside and play, what if he gets a splinter which turns gangrenous, you don’t want that on your conscious, do you!? No, no, it’s much better to watch over his every breath in anticipation that something awful is about to happen.
Those cops were way out of line, they bullied and harassed you. Then coerced their way into your home without a warrant or justified cause. I understand you felt threatened and your back was against the wall. You might want to contact the police station and find out the steps necessary to file a harassment claim. What they did is not right; especially since no crime was committed. Just because they wouldn’t raise their kids the way you’ve chosen to raise yours. To end on the fitting words of Rage Against the Machine, N.W.A., Kanye West and Ice-T, “fuck tha police.”
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oh my god what a joke! i would have been ripping as well! when i was 8 i went to the park on my own and i survived! those cops should go and done something worthwile with their time instead of hassling you for no valid reason!
When I was 8 my friends and I would get on our bikes and disappear for hours without parental supervision. Going to the park was just the start of our adventures. We also had BB guns and went target shooting. Things have certainly changed and not in a good way. This generation of kids will have no street smarts if they’re not allowed to experience the world.
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Just more cops with little cocks and no brains who go around trying to intimidate women. Do you have any options for complaining?
It’s just disgusting. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this.
And then they’d be willing to charge the parents with medical neglect at age 13 or 14 if the child has gotten fat because the only choice he had was to sit his butt in a chair in front of a tv or computer and never get out to get any exercise.
That’s truly awful of the cops and you were very brave to handle it so well, Kim. I hope the boy isn’t too put off by it all but at least he’s seen a great example of standing up for onesself.
*hug*
You did awesome.
My bf got a berating call from her dd’s principal when she found out she had left her sick dd alone at home for 30 minutes while she ran an errand. The principal informed her, very incorrectly, that she couldn’t leave a child under 12 alone at home in our state. I sent her the proper information (no age limit at all) and she forwarded to her dd’s nosy principal.
Stand tall!!!
You stay strong, that is the most ridiculous thing I have heard, pushing their weight around like that, they should be ashamed. I live in Canada in a fairly large city and I see kids walking to school by themselves as young as 6 and nobody stops them or harrasses the parents. You stay strong with your free range ways.
yes but are 13 year old kids allowed in the park? hahaha. srsly. by 13 kids aren’t super into swings and jungle gyms. If those cops saw a 13 yr old at the park they would probably think they were doing drugs and your kid would come home in a cop car.
You will continue to hear people ask you if you are saying there is a “conspiracy” going regarding these lessening of our Civil Rights. I do believe this is true. More and more of our own tax money is going towards how to “Control” the public and honest citizens.
The freedom is lessening and more and more police are being voted on the streets to control the citizen and less and less to stop the criminal If you haven’t noticed, start observing and you will see this is true.
Freedom has to be fought for. The US is loosing this freedom I believe little by little. Video cameras everywhere watching us, more and more laws to stop people, more and more control.
It starts with so called “innocent” things that happened with this child.
A child has the RIGHT to walk about. ll
See the youth for human rights campaign. It is actually a campaign for us all.
Best,
Christine Murphy
Bless you for setting a good example and giving your son the opportunity to develop the confidence and self-esteem that comes with independence. Please don’t be discouraged and let this get to you. I hesitate to see conspiracies (in this case, especially, I don’t think that most cops are smart enough to conspire), but it seems to me that if a whole generation of children grow up accustomed to being rigidly regimented, they wouldn’t be so likely to resist if martial law was suddenly declared.
Sadly, the lesson your kid learned here is yet another reason why strangers shouldn’t be trusted – they’ll narc on you even as they’re doing what seems to be a favor for you!
Haha, wow! Aren’t you an awesome parent! I wish my parents would let me walk outside at the park alone without any supervision! My parents are very overprotective.
Please, let me whine here…
They don’t let me walk around the neighborhood for some exercise.
They wont let me play outside unless one of them is watching, and if I do walk outside, it has to be either with a friend or an adult, (with a cell phone and them calling me every 2 seconds)
I never once walked home from school, always got driven or on the bus.
I can never hang out with friends outdoors alone, like the mall, park, etc. (once again, without being watched or supervised) Sadly, this makes me a very unsocial kid.
And… even one time when I thought I was actually alone outside, there my dad was driving in his car along the street stalking me pretending to be a regular old car.
AND THE WORST OF ALL… I can never spend anytime with my girlfriend without my parents supervising. My girlfriend hates it. She’s probably gonna dump me because of this.
My parents think my age is STILL too young to be alone outside because of the danger of, “You might get kidnapped or hurt!” It’s kinda sad because I am way older than your son. I have been waiting years for my freedom! Perhaps too long! Gosh, I am such a big “kid” now that next year I am getting my drivers license! For years I have been saying all the time, “When and how old do I have to be to walk outside alone?” They say, “Oh soon. Don’t worry. When you get older.” Perhaps you wouldn’t call me a kid anymore. Haha. I am in between if you know what I mean. Gosh. I can’t wait until I get my car and just drive away and do stuff. There and then, is when I will get my freedom. Don’t call me crazy, it just makes me upset seeing and knowing that the other kids my age are allowed to do anything they want.
Your probably wondering, haven’t you figured out any ways to get some freedom with your parents? Do you go to therapy in order to fix your parents’ overprotective disorder?
Yes, you could say I have begged, pleaded, stated reasonable reasons, stated convincing stories, to try to get them to say the precious word “Yes” but it is always NO. I never once snuck out of the house to get freedom because I am afraid I will get caught. Also, because I am a good kid. (I have a heart) Besides there is like no chance anyways because my parents are pretty much watching everything I do. And No, the family and I don’t go to therapy.
I am not a bad kid. I get excellent grades. Man, now I am thinking I SHOULD sneak out of the house to be free! I should have been doing this for years now! My neighborhood is kinda strange because, it is hard to tell if it is safe or not. It is the neighborhood that is right next to a neighborhood that is VERY VERY dangerous. Drugs, gang violence, strangers, horrible stories that get in the papers. But yet my neighborhood is safe because it is in a suburban area, with TOP of the CLASS schools. There never once has been any case of violence here, the grass is green, and the community is maintained well. There are always some kids walking around. I think everyone here is just afraid all that horrible stuff from the neighborhood next door is going to pass down here.
On the other hand, your son is a bit too young, but no big deal due to the reasons you stated in your article. It is kinda odd seeing a little kid wander on his own with this “Fearful” society going on, but I do think the police freaked out too much in your case because they remind me of my parents. All I am going to say is to just have him NOT talk to strangers and you should possibly give him a cell phone.
GOD BLESS YOU. At least your son is going to have some (I HOPE A LOT OF) fun childhood memories of freedom. 🙂 Trust me, don’t have your son end up like me. Childhood and teenage years go by so fast. Don’t let anyone get in your way. Let your son have fun. Learn from my parents mistake and live a little. 😛
I hope this episode doesn’t repeat itself. How scary it had to have been for your boy to have cops threatening his mom for no reason. These policemen did nothing but sew seeds of mistrust for people like them in your child. Next time, send the kiddo with a water bottle and keep being awesome!
I let my 6 year old go to the dairy (local shops) to buy an ice-cream. I don’t see anything wrong with it & she had a great time!
Here (New Zealand) we have stupid laws. A child is allowed to walk to school by herself from 5, but is not allowed to be at HOME by herself till 14! At which age she can legally babysit! Go figure!
There’s no sense in going to the cops about cops harassing you. The badge-heavy thugs just cover for each other. Contact your State Representative and the news.
Ok yes the cops where a bit harsh and yoru boy can do smoe things on his own, but the cops had good reason, like a very good reason. It is becuase of the law that the cops had to over exaggerate, if your kid got hurt, kidnapped or whatever aorund that companys area, you could sew them, BIG TIME, a robber sewed a lady because he was injured while trying to break into her house, he won the case. And what did you expect the guy to do, when you see a lost child and cant find their mom people usually call 911, and remember thsoe adds about not wasting calls to 911? thats why the cops were upset the call was just some lost kid, no im not a badge heavy thug, im a 16 year old who knows this by experience, and of course the guy got worried when he offered your son food and he accepted just like that, i would be too. Its not that the cops hate you and your kid will live in an imprisoned world, its just an occasion, take him to boxing or martial arts or something, that would give you something to say to get them off your backs about that, being a black belt helps me like you have no idea. Heck i get respect from teh cops without asking for it. Well no point in complaining about it now, well with the cops that is, its the law system thats wrong, but thats a way more complicated issue. And they did have a point on your kid being careful, they didnt ahve to go on about it like they did, definetly not, but its not like people cant get their hands on drugs to put on to food. Well best of luck, email me if you want to respond or what not.
oh and one word on how its not like oh your child is unlucky and i am not appreceating my freedom, im all for your child being able to go out by himself. This is how i earned my right, 13 years of taekwondoe, now a black belt, weapon training, i am fast and do lots of sports, have high endurance, i work out everyday and practice, i have pantera claws which are real and i actually know how to use, knives teh same and training to go along with them too. and im 16. Things dont come easy sometimes, it didnt to me
and i highly doubt your kid was crying cause he knew you might be charged with child endangerment, he was jsut trying to help, adn this is coming from someone who thinks cops are pathetic. but it is admirable tht you want your son to see the way things are, so yoru reason and goal was right, it ws just the way you went about it. heck if how you pronounce the same exact sentence can completely change the meaning literaly. il give you some examples later on but i have to go for now
Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so many comments before.
@Anonymous: remember your experience and give your own kids age appropriate freedoms so they won’t end up too sheltered.
@German Candia: You make some great points. I’m actually going to put the Boy in martial arts classes later this year. He was crying because he was confused and afraid that I was in trouble. He didn’t understand the endangerment thing, I just didn’t want the cop to lie and say everything was ok, if it wasn’t. I suppose if I hadn’t been so freaked out myself, we wouldn’t have even stood there talking to them as long as we did; we certainly didn’t have to.
Thank you everyone for reading and commenting!
Your son is 8 years old but he’s also a grown man. This story pisses me off. I’m sending the PD a box of half eaten donuts.
thank you, as i said teh cops were harsh because is teh only thing tehy can do to help keep businesses from being sewd, and its not just businesses, if your kid gets hurt on another persons house or yard, you can laso totally sew that person, and you have a very high chance of winning, so it kind of peoples only defence against that. and i think the big problem that got you in trouble was how your child acted in the park. Im all for people having freedom, but some people are not ready for it, and your child might have made people who are seem like their not, maybe while you werent there your child started panicing, if a person even thought that he or she should lend yoru kid a cell phone to call you and your kid accepted, then yoru kid got scared and was not ready to go to teh park alone like he asked you, instead of you getting the blame this should be a very important lesson, he asked to go alone to teh park adn bam he panicked, i have gone through that so much, and the last time it happened i accepted it was my fault and my responsibility to get out of it, the last time i got lost was in the woods, no compass and on the superbowl, so i was the only one, but i always remember the direction where i came from, i was scared, heck yeah i was very freakin scared, alone, no idea where to go besides teh direction, and in a freaking forest. But i just walked, knowing panicking wouldnt help, eventually i found my way. When one sets himself up for a scary situation he must be willing to face the problem alone, its part of growing up, your kid did not learn teh lesson and panicked at teh park getting you and the cops in trouble and in this situation, that is..of course, if he panicked which he probably did, what you believe is is noble and totally right, kids should have rights to go out alone, but only if they are ready and willing to face up to it like the teens they are becoming, once their thirteen, their a teenager, you can tell since the word teen is in the number, once their twenty, their adults, once yoru a teen you have 7 years to grow up and get ready to face it all
anonymous, get someone to talk to yoru parents, ive seen kids with parents liek yours, they actually end up being the kids who do stuff they shouldnt because of how much the parents messed up their childhood, my hat off to you for still being good, but i cant stand hearing about that freakin story about your parents (who right now are totally pissing me off) you have to let them know that you have rights, you have tried reasoning with them but they are to ignorant to be willing to do it the human diplomatic way, so like children, drop their calls, then do whatever you can which the law gives you rights to. Oh my god im begging you get me in contact with yoru parents anonymouse, im lucky enough to be able to reason with my parents after mastering a couple of things an d showing by abilities in that certain area