Ok so I missed another day. This 365 blogging is hard. I just forgot to post anything on Sunday. I am here today though, with bad news…

I didn’t get the apartment I wanted. le sigh

Thing is, it was a great apartment, in a quiet building, in a central location, brand new school a block away…I was perfect for mama and boy. Risky proposition though I may be – what with my crappy credit and all – she’d have worked with me…if only I had the money to move right away.

She was losing money everyday it was empty. She wanted to give it to me, but there was no way she could wait…not until March…not a month! To be honest it was a bit bold for me to ask. I’m talking prime real estate at a fantastic price.

I so wanted that to be the one.

Alas it was not or I would be celebrating…

I almost talked myself into wasting mine and her time by pretending I could come up with the money to move by February 1 – two weeks – when I have $200 in the bank and no real way of coming up with total move in costs.

The call was dropped as she gave me a glimmer of hope…I called back…If I could move in on the first it was mine. I could pay the holding fee, but if I wasn’t able to move by the first, I lost the apartment and the fee.

I wanted it…In my head it was mine.

“Ok,” I said. “I’ll come up with the money.”

She waffled, “Let me think about it…er…sleep on it. I’ll call you in the morning.”

I started thinking. Where was I realistically going to come up with $2200 in two weeks? I didn’t have any money saved and…well…let’s just say it was out of my current financial purview and I didn’t want to beg borrow and steal to pretend it was.

I called back after talking it over with my grandmother.

“I can’t realistically move by the first, so I don’t want to waste your time or my money…”

“I told you it was risky…” she said in an understanding tone.

“Thank you so much for your willingness.”

We said mumbled and awkward good-byes. My heart broke just a little.

I may have been yearning for that apartment all weekend, seeing myself living there already, but I had to exercise caution, lest that yearning make me do something stupid. If I had been prepared, I would have gotten what I wanted.

C’est la vive